[ti]Open[/ti]Ghost Inside, I'm Terrified It's Overtaking Me Apr 29, 2019 2:22:18 GMT
Post by Trax on Apr 29, 2019 2:22:18 GMT
// I just want to be Jekyll, but I'm always fighting Hyde. ||
You're a monster. It always ended that way. Whenever his thoughts overtook him, Trax always ended up hearing that same three word sentence over and over again. It haunted him. It tormented him. Once it had him in its grasp, it wouldn't let go. You're a monster.... you're a monster... you're a monster... He'd heard it so many times he was to the point that he believed it. You snapped before. You got lucky, didn't you? What if you snap again? Maybe next time you'll taste more than just a little blood. Maybe next time the screams won't last as long. Maybe next time you won't stop. Maybe next time– Trax, who had been aimlessly walking along, stopped in his tracks and smacked an ear with his paw. He furiously shook his head after that, trying to silence those devilish thoughts. They were eating away at him and running away with him that day. Angela's face was in front of his mind's eye from the moment he woke up that day. The image led to haunting thoughts, to memories he would do just about anything to erase, and to a mental assault on his soul. Guilt and grief gripped at his heart, horror and hell owned his mind. You snapped once, you could snap again. Perhaps more terrifying than the voice in his head that wouldn't shut up was the fear that he would snap again. That moment had been a whirlwind. So many things to take in and so many ways to react to him. Yet his instincts chose the worst possible way to react. His instincts chose to turn on a little girl who Trax loved more than life itself. He had sworn to protect that little girl. Sweet little Angela. She was his to protect from the dangers of the world. Yet he was the danger in her world. He turned on her. He bit her. To that day he could still see her face during those split seconds... it was the most awful thing he had ever seen. To that day he could still hear her wretched screams... they were the most awful things he had ever heard. He caused her such pain. He always tried to argue with his head that he wasn't a monster, but... was he?
A low growl rumbled from the Swiss dog as he shook his head yet again. Trax could barely take it anymore. Could the day not be over so he could fall asleep, deal with the nightmare the day's mental war would cause, and wake up hopefully in a better state of mind? Unfortunately, it was just mid-afternoon. From the sounds of things, the kids were out of school. Wait... why was he hearing kids laughing and chattering in their high-pitched little voices? With his head still spinning from the war inside, he took a look around. His absent-minded wanderings had led him towards a playground. Of course. Of course! As if fate wasn't cruel enough! As his chocolate eyes went from child to child, from monkey bars to slides to a weird spinning circle thing, he became sadder and sadder. How he missed watching Angela play. How he missed hearing her laugh. How he missed seeing her smile. What is wrong with me? How... how could I possibly screw up so badly...? I'm not... I wasn't... I loved her... them... He couldn't bear to look anymore so he turned around and flopped his butt down onto the cold sidewalk.
Just as Trax found himself going down a different, yet still horrible path in his mind, a little boy spotted him. "Puppy!" the child exclaimed right before he started to run up to the 'puppy'. The 'puppy' was far too distracted with his thoughts to notice the boy running up to him. When the kid was just a length or so away, he squealed in delight. That was enough to jolt Trax out of his thoughts. It startled him and caused him to jump up, growling out of instinct. To a little boy, Trax must have looked like a nightmarish character. The boy in question shrieked and jumped back, attracting the attention of his mother, who quickly came running up to her son. Apparently, she was yelling at Trax, but all he could hear was the boy's scream. The sound... and the look of his face. No, not again! Utterly horrified, Trax bolted forward, running as fast as he could away from the scene. I'm not a monster! I'm not a monster! I'm not a monster, I swear! It was an accident! No! Blinded by what just happened, he paid absolutely no attention to where he was going. Bad idea. Just as he turned a corner, he ran smack dab into... something? Someone? Whoever or whatever it was, the force of the impact sent Trax tumbling.
ooc: open to anyone who feels like being run into by this poor guy!